Only Human
by Ryzaria
Summary: [COMPLETE]Kyle is a master of the sword. He can defeat a million bandits with a single stroke...or so he wishes. Instead, he's a rather useless 21 year old Myrmidon who lusts after all women. Chapter 10-This is the end. R&R!
1. Daydreaming

Woo! A fic! Please review? does puppy eye look

Only Human

Chapter 1: Daydreaming

He could imagine it now...

- - -

"HELP!!! EVIL, BLOOD-SUCKING BANDITS ARE ATTACKING OUR VILLAGE!!!"

Kyle the Swordmaster, who was passing through the area heard the cry. He knew what he must do. He had to save that village for the good of Elibe, or no one else will. His hand reached to his belt, where a wide array of swords adorned the leather strap. There, on the left, his Master Blade, crafted by blind Elimine-worshipping Monks who lived in the Nabata Desert. There, on the right, his awesome Final Current Cutter of Doom, forged in the blood of a thousand demons, with the combined strength of the beasts added to his own mighty...might.

He ran into the village, where a Berserker with sharp, pointed teeth was sucking the blood of a woman. 'Well, the cry did say blood-sucking...' Kyle ran up to the Berserker and, flourishing his Master Blade in an expert way, sliced the Berserker into a million pieces, all of which were in the shape of butterflies. The rest of the bandits saw this and ran, afraid of the raw power emanating from the mighty Swordmaster. The woman swooned slightly for dramatic effect, before looking up at her saviour.

"Yo-you saved me!"

Kyle nodded. "All in a day's work of heroing, milady."

"But you must stay at the village! All of the women will be so glad you saved the village, and would be willing to repay you with sexual favours!"

Kyle shook his head. "It is fine, honestly," he said, although his face betrayed him, a massive grin playing across the handsome features. He allowed himself to be dragged off to the appeasing thought of many women...

Then he awoke.

- - -

Kyle, the twenty one year old myrmidon, shook his head, before looking down at his 'arsenal'. There, on the left, was his Iron Sword, which certainly looked like it had been made by blind monks. No one with sight could have made something so ugly. In fact, no one HUMAN could make something so ugly. Kyle would have liked to say that its looks belied the awesome power within, but it was the most un-magical sword in existence.

On the left was his Slim Sword. Kyle had to admire, it was crafted expertly. The gleam, the elegance of the handle, it was fantastic. Pity it hit as though it was made out of paper.

He looked around the Tavern he was in. It seemed to scream 'Dark!' and 'Never been cleaned!'. The same could be said about the landlord. He looked as though he never washed in his life, and was as black as soot because of it.

At this point, there was a commotion. A man appeared, his face concealed by a robe covering it. He radiated evil. And an odd smell of cheese. "That army led by Eliwood is here," he said in a menacing way. "Who amongst you tavern-dwellers could

A myrmidon with a long pleated pony tail stood up. "I, Guy of the Kutolah, will h-!" the boy said, before being knocked out by a well-placed whack on the back of the head with the handle of an Iron Sword.

Kyle smirked. "I, Kyle of the...erm...no tribe, will help the Black Fang!"

The hooded man smirked beneath his hood. "Kyle...very well. They are just outside. Station yourself by Santaruz castle, and attack anything that's close enough."

Kyle nodded, hoping that the man wouldn't offer himself for sexual favours.


	2. If you can't beat them

Augh, loads of t3h mistakez0rz. I kinda rushed the first chapter in an effort to finish it, and so I made the mistakes.

**Review Responses!**

Seventh Sage-Yeah, sorry. Imagine what Ephidel said after the blank space, and all shall be well.

The Winged Wolf-THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!! XD

Wesley-I actually like Guy. I just thought Kyle would be a better replacement. Whee!

Chapter Two-If you can't beat them...

Kyle looked at the landscape. If I was a better author, I'd describe it in much detail. I would use such words as "awe-inspiring" and beautiful, with at least one simile to do with the sunlight bathing Kyle like "a gentle woman's touch". But I'm not, and besides, Kyle didn't appreciate such things.

He said "Ooh, pretty!" and set up in a defensive stance.

As he looked, he noticed that the amount of bandits in front of them were thinning. A red and blue blur seemed to move between them, wielding a sword in such a way that it was like a gentle woman's touch if you didn't mind the gentle woman to be Edwina Scissorhands. The Bandits were falling like flies, and Kyle realized that if he didn't move out of the way, he was going to be sliced into Kibbles and Bits. _Whatever they were,_ Kyle thought, before screaming and hiding behind a tree.

A few minutes passed. Then, a great armoured hand came down and seized Kyle, pulling him onto a horse. Kyle looked into a big amount of green hair which seemed to cover the man's eyes. Kyle looked horrified. "Don't kill meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" he yelled.

The man smiled slightly. "Don't worry, young man. The Black Fang can't get at you now..."

Kyle realized what the man was saying, and grinned. "Yes, you're right. In fact, I shall repay you for your kind acts. I am a Myrmidon...of sorts. I'm only learning, but perhaps I could be of help to you, sir...?"

"Lowen," the Cavalier said, his ego tripled by being called sir. "By the way, if you're hungry, I could share some of my emergency rations with you?"

Kyle shook his head. Escaping certain death takes the hunger right out of you. "Just take me to your leader."

Lowen nodded. "I shall, with haste!"

The two rode off to meet with Eliwood and Hector.

- - -

Kyle slipped off the horse, where he saw the red and blue blur, this time in focus. It was a young man, in royal armour. _A prince..._

The young man gave an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry for causing all this hassle. My name's Eliwood."

_What hassle? He must be the constantly apologizing type._ Kyle nodded. "No trouble. Your fine knight here saved me. Actually, I was wondering if I could join your troupe of warriors? I need the training, and I could repay the debts I owe for you saving my life." _How do I come up with this bullshit? I'm just so good..._

Eliwood nodded. "That would be wonderful indeed. We need all the able-bodied warriors we can get. I'll introduce you to the rest of the group after this, but now w-"

His voice was cut off by a scream. A female scream. Thoughts of the daydream popped into his head, the words "sexual favours" flying across his mind. He ran in the direction of the scream, only to find a girl of about 16 or 17, with pink pigtails, standing over a dead bandit with a hand-axe in its skull. Another young man with blue hair was trying to pry the axe from the dead man's head.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeector! That's just so GROSS!!! I mean, my beautiful dress has been stained with blood!"

The man known as Hector groaned. "Serra, it was either that or your death. I think I should have gone for the latter, in retrospect."

The woman, now Serra, pouted. "That's so mean, Hector! My tender feelings have been crushed too many times by your harsh words!"

Hector ignored her, running off to find his next victim. Serra turned round and, noticing Kyle, gave a squeal. "Who are you? Are you one of those bandits, who are hunting for our blood?"

Kyle shook his head. "No, I'm helping you now."

Serra jumped up and down in delight. "Yay! You can be my bodyguard! Now, protect me at all times, or I'll tell Hector...hmm...while I'm there, I think I'll ask him for some vassals, and lots of gold as well! And, and, some slaves! Yes! And..."

Kyle snuck away. He almost preferred the notion of being dead.

Insert an awesome battle scene here.

As the battle ended, Kyle wiped the blood off his blade. Most of it was from himself, when he had accidentally cut his finger, but he had actually killed about four Black Fang members, and he felt all the stronger for it. If he kept this up, he'd be like the guy in his daydream...

Speaking of Guy...

- - -

Guy walked out of the tavern he was in, rubbing his head. "Ow...that hurt...I shall hunt him down! No one stops me in my quest!"

He didn't notice Karel behind him, or the faint noise the sword made as it sliced into the back of his neck.

As Guy collapsed, Karel noticed a crest of sorts on the former Myrmidon. Examining it proved it to be a Hero Crest and Karel, drunk with power (or ale), used it as quickly as was possible.

He was no longer Karel the Sword Apprentice. He was Karel the Sword Demon.

Thunder crackled overhead in a dramatic way.


	3. Mountain of victims

**Review Responses (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!!)**

Stewie-YES!!! I am THAT TEO! Bow before me mortal. XD But thanks for the review.

Winged Wolf-Actually, I was thinking of having Sain and Kyle become fast friends. A sort of:

"May we live long lives after this!"

"And court many fine women as well!"

"Hear hear!

Whee!

Wesley-I know, but I'm a lazy bastard, so I couldn't be bothered. XD However, I shall keep that in mind for next time.

Seventh Sage-Yes, the crowning achievement! XD Lowen IS scary. It's obvious that he has no eyes, which is why he grows his hair so long.

Ooh, BTW. Reason the guy's called Kyle is because that ish I! Except I'm not 21, or a perv. XD

**Chapter 3-Mountain of Victims**

The group spent the next few days marching towards the place called Laus. Kyle didn't know where the hell it was, and didn't care. He had heard through the grapevine that Marquess Caelin had a beautiful Sacaen grand-daughter. He hoped that they could go there. He needed the practice. Plus, weren't Sacaens more passionate in the bed department?

Kyle was inwardly drooling buckets, but his face remained a good composure.   
  
They reached Laus.

- - -

"Lord Ephidel, Eliwood's forces have arrived! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"

Ephidel sighed. "Lord Darin, have you forgotten your medication?"

Darin nodded.

"I thought as much...but why do you fret? Eliwood's army consists of a bunch of pubescent teenagers and a Jeigan." Ephidel said.

"A Jeigan?" Darin asked.

"Characters that seem to be good on the output, but are completely crap."

"But what about Renault?"

"He's never good."

"Ah...but how do you know all this?"

"_GOD DAMMIT MARCUS!!!" Ephidel yelled at the GBA. "START PROTECTING ROY AND STOP BEING SO CRAP!!! Oh great, now you're dead."_

"I'm evil. I have to know these things."

All of a sudden, Erik ran through. "Father, let me deal with Eliwood!"

Darin nodded. "Fine. Go ahead. Knock yourself out."

- - -

After some ugly bastard on a horse appeared, telling Eliwood how much he hated him, and then riding off to get a big-ass army, Kyle took up his Crouching Wyvern position. Unfortunately, part of the position is putting your left leg behind one of your ears, and so he ended up falling over. But he stood up and, brushing the mud off his Slim Sword, he started flourishing it in an expert way.

The sword flew out of his hand, embedding itself in the head of a charging cavalier who was after Kyle. He flew off his horse, landing in a tangled heap in front of another Cavalier, who's horse tripped over the body and then trampled its rider who had fell. Then another Cavalier, seeing this, bolted.

Kyle stared, only to be awakened by a small round of applause. He turned round, seeing Marcus standing there with a kindly smile. "That was a well timed throw," he said. "I can see why Eliwood took you on." He then rode off.

"Odd man..." Kyle said, before pulling his sword out of the man's head. The blood was flowing freely from the man's head. Yum, Kyle thought, before realizing that he'd have to climb on top of the bodies to get past.

- - -

Two old men were passing through the area, when they saw a man standing atop a mountain of bodies, with his sword in the air. He seemed to be yelling something.

"Oh my..."

"What?"

"That's the...SWORD DEMON!!!"  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

- - -

What Kyle was yelling was "ARGH, MY FOOT!!!" after standing on one of the dead guy's swords. He reached down, only to find a Steel Sword. "Yoink!" Kyle exclaimed, before whipping the sword from the dead guy. He walked away, leaving a mountain of bodies behind.


	4. Green Haired Angel

**Review Responses**

Dracobolt-Yeah, the daydream was fun to write. There shall be another one in this chapter, in fact. Whee!

Beagle-Of course. XD

DotDotDotMan-Hehe, it's just how I'd act. Except I'd be drooling after Limmy, even though she technically has no gender. XD

chibiInuyasha-Oh, alright then. XD

Koriku-YAY!!! gives Koriku cookies Thank yoooooooooooooooooooou! XD

Seventh Sage-If you do, I ain't paying for the medical bill. XD

Illusi0n-DON'T JUMP!!! Or I'll stop writing this. XD

BTW, Seventh Sage gets a big pile of worshipness from me for being the only person to review every chapter. cheesy thumbs up XD

**Chapter 4-Green Haired Angel**

**WARNING: This story contains heterosexuality, which could offend most FE Fic Readers.**

Of course, that guy, Erik got defeated by some Mage. Kyle didn't care, as they had just added a beautiful girl to their ranks. Priscilla or something. Of course, she was jailbait, so he couldn't go after her. But he can dream.

The group were headed towards Caelin, where the Sacaen woman was from. He couldn't wait to see her. Mainly because she was meant to be also beautiful. 'Gah, too much beauty!' Kyle thought, grinning slightly.

At this point, there was a tapping on his shoulder, and Kyle turned round, only to see no one there. There was a giggling from somewhere. "Hee hee...I can't believe you fell for that..." a voice called. Kyle turned round, to see the Archer of the group, Rebecca, smiling up at him. "Hi!" she said.

Kyle sighed. She was about the same age as Priscilla. Jailbait. "Rebecca....what are you doing?"

Rebecca grinned. "Weeeeell, it's just that you looked lonely. So I thought I should talk to you. Your name is Kyle, is it not?"

He nodded. "Yes, it is...but I'm fine, honestly..."

Rebecca pouted. "Well, maybe **I** need company!"

Kyle couldn't help but laugh. "That Lowen seems to keep looking at you...or his face seems to point in your general direction anyway."

Rebecca smiled. "Yeah, he's sweet. But I prefer someone with eyes." The both of them laughed.

Kyle smiled. "Well, maybe the company would be nice..."

At that point, there was a yell, "Rebecca, get up here! We need your keen eyes!"

Kyle sighed, wondering why the words Support Level Increased kept flashing through his head. He lapsed back into a daydream, wonderi-

_The bandits had her cornered, and there was nothing the young girl could do. The Sniper tried fending them off, but they just grabbed the bow and threw it away. _

_One of the bandits leered. "Hur hur hur...I reckon we could make a pretty penny on her! What do yo-URK!!!" he finished the sentence with a yelp as the famed Wo Dao blade poked through the man's stomach. And on the end of the blade was a hand connected to the mightiest swordmaster in Elibe._

_Rebecca stared. "Ky-Kyle?"_

_The other bandits turned and charged. Kyle smirked before seeming to split into five, each one striking down the bandits until none were left standing._

I know what happens now, she'll offer sexual favours. But for Elimine's sake, it's JAILBAIT!!!

_Rebecca looked astonished. "You've improved!"_

"_It's nothing...I just don't like to see my friends get hurt, is all." Kyle said, smiling serenely._

_Rebecca blushed. "Yo-you've been so nice to me, ever since we met outside Santaruz Castle..."_

_Kyle nodded. "You've been my best friend, I can't let anythi-_

JAILBAIT!!! JAILBAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!

_-ng happen to you."_

_Rebecca smiled. "You've made me very happy during this journey. I me-_

OH ELIMINE, DON'T TELL ME WE'VE ALREADY DONE IT!!!

_-an, all those gifts and stuff you gave me..."_

Oh, thank Elimine...

"_Well, I gu-guess...it's because I have feelings for you, which is slightly wrong, with the age gap and all...but still..." Now Kyle blushed._

Hey, even my imaginary self knows it's wrong...but feelings?

_Rebecca blushed even more so. "I-I guess I have feelings for you as well...but the age thing..." She brightened. "Well, Oswin and Serra apparently have feelings for each other as well..."_

EWWWWWWW!!!

_Kyle put on a look of mock horror. "But Oswin's about a hundred!"_

_Rebecca laughed. "Well, there you go. So...it's ok then..."_

_Kyle smiled. "I guess so..." he said softly, before leaning in and-_

Kyle woke from the daydream. "Oh...oh my..."


	5. Changing Characters

Before I do Review Responses, I notice a load of people have these things called Muses. After my initial disappointment that it wasn't the band Muse (they rule), However, I was wrong. It appears Muses are there for the writer to glomp while it makes sarcastic comments about how crap the fic is. I think I should get one. Say hello...to LIMSTELLA!!! (thunder)

Limmy-Review this fic. Or I shall take your quintessence and give it to Lord Evil One.

Limmy! Bad! You're supposed to say crap like "You'll never get reviews!"

Limmy-But this fic rules!

I know. XD

Oh fine, be supportive. Can I still glomp you?

Limmy-If you want, but you realize I have no gender.

Bah, you look feminine. (GLOMP!!!)

(Today's reader reviews shall be done by Vaida)

Vaida-BWAHAHAHA!!!

(Um, I mean me, which is going to be hard while I glomp Limmy at the same time. XD)

**Review Responses**

Taekmkm-YAY!!! SOMEONE HAS THE SAME OPINION AS MEEEEE!!! Nino/Jaffar sucks. I much rather prefer getting an A Support with Canas/Nino. Because Canas Jaffar. Plus, Canas has a tounge, and uses it, compared to Jaffar and his fantastic "... ..." and, wait! His hilarious "... ..." rolls on floor laughing

Stewie's Minion-Yeah, go lack of insane humour...er...yeah. XD

Wesley-Yes, that pairing is evil. GO SERRAxLUCIUS!!! Even though it's not a pairing, and it would involve having Lucius in a heterosexual relationship. It's probably how Raven starts loving Lucius in those Yaoi fics, it's because of his feminine looks. XD

Seventh Sage-I do, don't I. WHEE!!! And you deserve special recognition. After all, you have reviewed every chapter. XD

Dracobolt-Yes, the Warning was just something I added for fun. But it got a few laughs, which is good.

Koriku-Yay, you get another cookie for the longest review so far. XD Expect some plot twists. They're fun! LIKE PIE!!! XD

Beagle-Yes. XD

Winged Wolf-Bah, excuses. LIMMY, SUCK HIS QUINTESSENCE!!! Bwaha! (THUNDER!!!) XD

**Chapter 5-Changing Characters**

Lyn looked out the forest. "Oh dear...it looks bad."

Her "faithful" retainers Sain and Kent trotted up. Sain grinned. "Ah, if you are looking in a mirror, then you must be blind, for such a voluptuous lady I have never laid eyes on in my life as a Cavalier of Caelin."

Lyn groaned. "Why can't you flirt with Florina?"

Florina squeaked, and rushed to hide behind Lyn. "Eeeeeeeeeeeep! Don't get too close, sir Sain!"

Sain laughed merrily. "Oh, beautiful Florina! I am a kind man, and yet my kindness does not even come close to your beauty!"

Florina squeaked again, and Lyn smiled, only to remember the situation they were in. "Ok, let's get out of this forest. We have to save my grandfather, an-"

At that point, I replaced her with a more interesting character.

"-d I shall make them taste my blade!" Karla the Caelin heir said.

Sain started practically drooling, unaware that somewhere, Lyn the Sword Princess defeated Bartre, who I also removed due to being boring, again, becoming his sworn enemy. Lyn's new fate was to marry someone with a single-digit IQ, and die before she was 30. Whee.

- - -

Meanwhile, Eliwood was debriefing his Cadre of random people about what they were to do next. Kyle noticed that Serra kept looking at the new mage, who seemed to cower at each look. 'Probably a former girlfriend...I don't blame him,' Kyle thought, before realizing that Eliwood might be saying something of importance.

However, at that point, a Pegasus Knight flew in. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" the lady cried before crashing into a tree, sliding off and landing in a very un-ladylike manner.

Eliwood gasped. "Florina? What are you doing here?"

"I-I came here to, ah..." she paused, noticing everyone looking at her. Especially Kyle. "Um...yeah, Lyn told me to tell you that, ah, they're going to reclaim the castle, after Laus attacked."

Eliwood nodded. "Then let's go!"

And so they did.

Kyle's first opponent was some Thief, who had his head cut off with the Rusty...ah, Iron Sword of death. His second was a Cavalier who had equipped himself with an Iron Sword, which Kyle got hit with. "OW!!!" he yelled, before leaping onto the horse and punching the man off, before leaping in a very ungraceful way, stabbing the man through the heart. "Yaar!" he cried, before thinking he should lick the blood off his blade like he was crazy.

- - -

"Woah! It's the Sword Demon!"

"AH!!! HE'S LICKING THE BLOOD OFF HIS SWORD!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!"

The two old men ran again.

- - -

"Argh! I cu' by tung!"

- - -

Blah, short chapter, with too much randomness. XD

The next chapter's gonna leap ahead to Chapter 16x, where Canas comes into play.


	6. Reminiscing

Hoorah! I'm back!

Limmy-Yayeth.

Erk-This fic sucks.

How'd you get here?

Erk-Vaida took me here.

Vaida-NWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Karel-(crits Vaida)

Vaida-BLARGH!!! I ARE NOT LIVING!!! (dies)

Aaaaaaaaanyway. On with the...

**Review Responses**

My word, 9 Reviews! That's a lot. Yep. It is indeed.

chibiInuyasha-Yesh. After all, Canas Everyone.

Koriku-BLASPHEM-EE!!! I dislike Nino/Jaffar, as...well...Jaffar sucks. XD I'm doing a long chapter, don't worry.

Winged Wolf-Oh...woopsie. XD Well, that's a warning. Next time...I'll set Denning on you! He'll annoy you to death! NYAHAHAHAHA!!!

imlikeCanas-Change of plan. Alas, I'm doing a chapter on Kyle's past instead. But Canas might be featured. Maybe.

taekmkm-Reason it's not there is because they couldn't spell it. XD

Stewie's Minion-Creative? You mean "Completely mad, get him in a strait-jacket before he kills us all," surely.

Seventh Sage-You get ANOTHER COOKIE!!! This time for reviewing 5 chapters in a row. Congratulations. XD

Beagle-Yesh, Karla pwnz Lyn.

Illusi0n-Yesh! (sets Kishuna on Lyn) ...maybe a bad idea. XD

Licking a sword is like eating McDonalds fries. It's cold, it tastes bad and it's bad for you.

Oswin the Nino Fanatic-Nino won't be in this fic. XD

Remember, keep reviewing. Those reviews, they taste like pizza! Yum! XD

**Chapter 6 (or 5x)-Reminiscing**

_(the entire chapter's done in flashback mode. 'Cept at the end.)_

Kyle looked outside the hut. It was cold. Well, it's always cold where he lived. All the snowstorms and the drinking water kept freezing over, never good. The mountains in the distance seemed to be white. Yes, they were white indeed, Kyle thought. Always white. He hated it. Why can't they be their usual colour of brown or something? He didn't know what the original colour is. It's always bloody white.

"Kyle! Why are you daydreaming? You should be concentrating on your Elder Magic tomes!"

Kyle sighed and looked up at his mother. "Yes, mother. But I still can't cast the basic spells!" He looked down at his Flux book. It had been flung across his bedroom in despair about a million times, and his mother kept on insisting that he learned it. He sucked at it. Everyone remarked on Kyle's ability with the Dark Arts. But not in a "Wow, he's amazing," way, more sort of a "Hey, Kyle's got as much ability with the Dark Arts as that Marcus has with not stealing EXP." The answer to that by everyone was "Who's Marcus?"

His mother sighed. "You're just a late bloomer. Look at your three brothers!" He did. Two of them had heavy bags under their eyes. Their faces were gaunt and pale, and their cheek bones were protruding in a rather distressing way. The final one, the second youngest (Kyle was youngest, by about five years), was reading an impossibly thick book, entitled "The Theories And Practises Of The Spells Luna, Nosferatu and Lull," and as he read, Kyle noticed his arms trying to copy the diagrams in the book. Eventually, he successfully copied it, and six balls of fire rose from the floor. Kyle watched, stunned, as the balls danced lazily around the brother, before disappearing in the same way as they had appeared.

His mother rushed towards him. "My word, Canas! Astounding!"

Canas smiled. "It's nothing, mother. Honestly."

The mother shook her head. "No Canas. This is a very big deal! You're only nearing eighteen, and you're already able to cast the spell Luna! This is very impressive! Isn't it, you lot."

Kyle nodded. It was amazing. But it had also awakened something in him. He realized that he'd never amount to anything in this household. Canas had already become powerful, and his two brothers...well, they were slightly screwed. He realized he could leave, run away, and move to the bigger cities, where there'd be employment! Fame! And Women!

Ah...yes. There were practically no teenage girls willing to talk to the brothers in the cottage. Canas because of his strange studious ways, and the morbid fear of angering his current girlfriend, Helen. The two brothers, because they were just scary. They never ventured outside the house anyway. And Kyle...mainly because of him being tarred with the same brush.

The other brothers just stared on, the darkness in their souls sucking their life and their energy away.

Later that evening...

Kyle stepped outside the house. It was still bloody white outside. Rocks were white, the grass was white, the houses were white. Bloody snow, Kyle thought, before walking across the grounds of the village, preparing for a long journey. He knew he had to get away from the village before they noticed he was gone. Not too hard, considering that the village was about 100m wide. He shook the long purple fringe of hair out of his face, and strode over to the gates. Conjuring up what little magic power he had, he blasted a hole in the iron gates and stepped outside.

The first thing that struck him was the amount of whiteness. It was exactly the same. He couldn't help it. He collapsed to his knees and let out a mighty scream that shook around the mountain side.

"Hear that?"

"Wh-who is it?"

"It's the...SWORD DEMON!!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

And so the two old men once more ran again from a man who didn't even know who the Sword Demon was.

Kyle ran through the hill, pausing now and then to pick up his spell books (he kept dropping them), his only source of protection until he gets another weapon. Like a sword! Yeah, that would be cool, Kyle thought as he continued his moonlight flit across Ryzaria Crescent Hill. Until he tripped over something. Something sharp, and metal. It was the legendary blade Gynra Kryos! Thunder struck overhead dramatically, and Kyle felt raw power flow through his veins. This feeling of power through his veins was turned into the feeling of raw electricity running through his veins as a lightning bolt struck the sword, draining it of its magic power. Kyle's last thought before losing consciousness was _OH ELIMINE, SUCH AGONIZING PAIN!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRGH!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!_

Kyle woke up several hours later to find that the sword...looked different. Usually, the sword was even more powerful after being struck by lightning. This one however looked like it has been kicked in the groin several times before having its magic power sucked out with an industrial-strength Vacuum Cleaner. He sighed. "I really thought my luck was turning..." he thought, before walking down the hills and-

"Hey! Wake up, or I'll cut your head off!

"Bah, what's wrong, Karla?"

Karla gave him a reproachful look. "We're going to beating the crap out of a bunch of pirates. I want you to scout the surrounding villages in case anyone's mad enough to wanna help us."

Kyle nodded. "Yes, oh mighty one!" he said, giving a mock bow that stretched past his knees, and caused serious back injuries in later years. He then walked up to the nearest village, and smirked, before waltzing in. There was no one there, except one person. A purple-haired man with a long robe which reached down to his feet. The man had a monacle in one eye, and he seemed to be reading something.

"Err...excuse me?" Kyle asked. The man whirred round, a look of major astonishment on his face. His face relaxed when he saw Kyle.

"Hello," the man said. "I hear you're with Lord Eliwood's group. My name's Canas, and I'm a scholar of sorts, I guess, and..."

Kyle heard nothing more. He was in shock.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!

Limmy-Woah, that chapter friggin' rawks!

Bleh, I'm not sure...

Erk-Yes, fill yourself with doubt!

Canas-Oh dear, look at that, I've gone and caused a load of bother. I wonder if there's anything in my books to deal with this...

Pent-TROGDOR!!! TROGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!

everyone stares at Pent

Pent-BURNINATE!!! sets everyone on fire

Everyone-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OH GOD, IT BURNS!!! R&R, everyone! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


	7. Avast me hearties!

I'm baaaaaaaaack! Now that Pent's been tied up-

Pent-GOD DAMMIT, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!

Err...Limmy?

Limmy-On it. (hits Pent with a big 2x4)

Pent-Blwee...pretty colours.

Phew...now, time for...

**THE NEWS!!! Err...I mean Review Responses!**

Winged Wolf-Denning wouldn't say "?", he'd say "This is a message from Lord Nergal: WTF???" XD

Beagle-Indeed it is...DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN.

Seventh Sage-Wise move. Marcus sucks, after all. XD

Taekmkm-TROGDOOOOOOOOOOR!!! Homestarrunner. XD

HP: 65 Str: 30 Skl: 55 Spd: 50 Def: 25 Res: 25 Luc:50

Kyle's stat growths. XD

At this point, he'd be about Level 9.

Chapter 7-Avast, me hearties!

There followed a scene where a thousand thoughts ran through Kyle's head after seeing his brother again, followed by an epic battle between Kyle and a generic Pirate, but they're too boring to write about, so we'll skip to the Pirate ship.

Kyle looked out of the ship. Travelling had never been a strong point of his, and he found this to be no different. "Urr..." he moaned, before sitting down. One of the Pirates, the one called Dart, walked up to him. "Ahoy!" he cried.

"Dear Elimine, you're composed of practically every Pirate stereotype in the book!" Kyle exclaimed.  
  
Dart glared, and his voice raised itself slightly. "Listen here kiddo, if you wanna survive here, then keep that kinda talk to yerself. Cap'n Fargus won't take too kindly to that..."

Kyle smirked, and stood up, swaying slightly as he did so, before swaggering with all the grace and tranquillity of an alcoholic. As he did, he vaguely noticed Karla and Hector talking about something, while making poignant looks in Eliwood's way, while the Mage was being chased by Serra, who was screaming some sort of love declaration. Kyle didn't care, he felt like he was going to vo-

"URR!!!" he cried, and leaned overboard. After emptying his stomach of all meals he'd had for the last three days, he stood up, wiped his mouth and looked around. Everyone else was trying to look inconspicuous, so obviously they were watching him. "Bah..." he muttered under his breath before staggering to the Vendor. On the way, he bumped into someone, who whirred round.

"AH!!!" Kyle screamed. He had good reason to.

Karel glared at him. "So, you are Kyle, the famed Sword Demon...I challenge you! Right here! Right now!"

Kyle stared. "You're joking, right."

Karel shook his head, and prepared his sword. "Try and beat me."

"Alright..." Kyle muttered, and then, carefully, took out a bottle of water, and threw it up in the air. Karel grinned and leapt up, slicing the bottle into the exact shape, size, and consistency of an Airfix model. However, Kyle was already running at Karel, and as he landed, Kyle collided into him with full force, sending him flying into the foamy depths, where a shark ate him.

So simple, eh?

- - -

"AHHHHH!!!"

"What now?"

"The Sword Demon got killed by the other Sword Demon! And the living one can control sea creatures! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then the two old men's ship hit an iceburg.

- - -

There was a stunned silence. Eventually, the new Cleric, Lucy or something, asked, "Are you alright?"

Kyle swayed slightly, and looked down. Karel had left a mark. In the form of a missing left hand. It was bleeding badly, and Kyle knew what it needed. He dreaded this. "Se-Serra...I ne-ne-need...healing." Everyone gasped.

"Surely it's not that bad! I could do it for you!" the Troubadour squeaked.

"No..." Erk said. "He needs someone more skilled. Unfortunately, Serra's his only hope..."

"You're damn right I am."

Serra appeared at the back of the ship, and the skies instantly darkened. In the distance, a wolf howled in fright, before dropping dead. As she walked towards the victim...ah...patient, thunder started rolling overhead dramatically, and Kyle could have sword someone was playing the Funeral March on a large Organ. "Could someone stop the bloody Organ playing!?" he cried.

"Sorry," Erk said, and stopped.

"So..." Serra said with a look a shark might give before attacking a school of fish. "What's wrong with you then..."

"My hand seems to have been cut off," Kyle said, trying to smirk, and ending up with a half grimace, half look of pure fear. It summed up the situation nicely.

Serra took one look and recoiled. "Eww! Blood! I'm not healing that!" She whirred round-

-only to stare into the face of a highly pissed off Rebecca. "You're going to heal this," she seethed. "Or I will kill you. Slowly. And. Painfully."

"Geez, alright...but still, eww..." Serra moaned as she placed her staff on the wound, and Kyle watched as his dismembered hand flew back into place, before the staff send a beam of light around it, healing it completely.

"There, happy now missy!? My staff's all red!" Serra glared at Rebecca, before stomping off. As she did, the sky's cleared, and all was bright and happy with the world again.

Kyle stared at Rebecca. "...I'm scared..."

- - - - -

DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Erk-Cool, I got to play an Organ.

Limmy-(eats Erk)

Karel-BLARGH!!! I ARE DEAD!!!

Yes you are.

BTW, bad news. THERE MAY BE A SEQUEL!!!

Ah well, R&R.

Pent-I'M FREE!!! BURN!!! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!!!

Shark-(eats Pent)


	8. The Late Halloween Singalong!

MY FIC'S TURNED UNPOPULAR!!! ;;

Nergal-MY MASTER PLAN HAS SUCCEEDED!!! AMWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Pent-I'LL BURN YOUR LIVER!!! (casts Elfire)

Nergal-BURNEDEDEDED!!! (dies)

**Review Responses**

chibiInuyasha-SHAMELESS PLUG!!! Blarr!

Beagle-Serra-The Ultimate Evil. Sounds like an action figure. "With real acerbic tounge!"

SeventhSage-Serra Lucius. And that is the truth.

**Warning-This Chapter is just insane. Don't read if you actually have a sense of humour**

**Chapter 8-The Late Halloween Special! Only Human goes song style!**

Insert Shaky Loophole that allows me to hold a Halloween Party here.

It was the night during Halloween, and all through the house. Nothing was stirring...

Except Nergal, who was running up to children, sucking their quintessence, and stealing their candy. Why was he doing this? Because he wasn't invited to the Only Human Halloween Party, that's why!

Kyle looked out the window, noticing the first guests arriving. He straightened out his rather unusual costume and opened the door. The Author burst through the door, collapsing on the floor with a THUD, cursing. He stood up, brushed himself off, and ran off again. "Weird..." Kyle muttered.

One hour later, and the party was in full swing.

Well...as much as a party could in FE Land.

Ephidel stood by the door, nursing a cup of water, when all of a sudden, the door suddenly collapsed on top of him, and Hector appeared on top of the door. He had decided to dress up as Darth Vader, and the sight of him crushing Ephidel with a lightsabre in his hand was an imposing sight.

That's when the singing started.

Hector took one look round the room and said/sung "TNT! I'm dy-na-mite! TNT! And I'll win the fight!"

Kyle piped up with "TNT, he's a power load! TNT! Watch him explode!"

"No," Hector said simply. "I don't really want to explode."

"Err...help me?" Ephidel asked. A random cleric appeared out of nowhere and healed Ephidel in an amazingly dramatic scene before disappearing again. "Who the hell was that?" Ephidel asked.

Legault sang "Well, he's the one they call Dr. Feelgood."

Ephidel nodded enigmatically, and added "Well, he's the one that made me feel all right."

Kyle agreed. "He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood, and he's gonna be your Frankenstein."

"What did you say?" Ephidel asked.

Kyle answered, "He's gonna be your Frankenstein." Seeing the look of puzzlement on everyone's faces, he added, "I guess that means he can...bring you back to life. Or something."

Ephidel then realized he was still under the weight of a heavy axe-wielding dude and sang "And all your weight, it falls on me, it brings me down."

Hector nodded. "That's cause my Collective Soul is pretty Heavy."

"Yeah, that'll be it. Your soul..." Lyn giggled.

"Shut up."

"Soy...un peredor! I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?" Ephidel asked, unaware that people were going to take this seriously.

"...ok." Jaffar said, before decapitating the morph.

Jaffar at this point turned to Nino and started singing in one of those falsetto voices which are often found in Karaoke bars after you've been drunk for about an hour, "Everything about you pains my envying, your soul can't hate anything."

Nino sighed overdramatically and also sang "Everything about you is so easy to love, they're watching you from above!"

"WHO'S WATCHING ME!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Jaffar screamed, before running out of the house.

Canas then decided to add his song, and started singing "I am the very model of a modern Major-General!"

His wife nodded and added "He's got information vegetable, animal, and mineral!"

Then Oswin said the obvious thing. "You're not a general though. That song doesn't suit you at all."

"...LUNA!!!" Canas screamed, before sending the dark fires screaming at Oswin, burninating him...

Speaking of burninating...

At this point, Pent leapt down the stairs from nowhere. "TROGDOR!!!" he yelled. "TROOOOOOOOOOOOOGDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!!!"

Everyone stared. Crickets chirped nearby.

"BURNINATE!!!" Pent screamed, before casting Elfire everywhere. Everyone screamed and fled.

Two minutes later, after returning Pent to his strait jacket, the party was back in full swing. However, then the Luna spell reappeared, and it had evolved.

Priscilla noticed it in the air and screamed "A black hole sun!"

Guy noticed and started singing again "Won't you come and wash away the rain?"

"Here I come, I come, I come!" Priscilla added.

At this, Wallace, who had been quiet throughout the party let out a laugh and sung "I know you want what's on my mind. I know you like what's on my mind. I know it eats you up inside. I know."

Priscilla harmonized "You know, you know, you know."

Wallace grinned. "By the way, I'm thinking of sulfuric acid."

Priscilla nodded. "It eats me up inside!"

"I know," Wallace sung, before letting out another one of his laughs that shook the room.

Then Serra, getting caught up in the moment, started singing "I wanna-"

Sain coughed. "If the next words out of your mouth include the F-word, and you like an animal, then don't bother."

Serra pouted. "Aww..."

"I didn't say you couldn't though."

"Yay!"

"But now it's closing time!" Kyle sung, letting everyone know the party was about to end.

Sain, who was about to get lucky, looked shocked. "One last call for alcohol?"

Kyle nodded. "So finish your whiskey or beer!"

Sain added, "You don't have to go home but you CAN'T...STAY...HERE!"

Kyle stared at him. "Neither can you. Or Serra."

"Aww..."

"I know who I want to take me home!" Renault sung.

Isadora looked hopeful. "Me?"

Renault laughed. "No! I'm taking Lucius home to start a whole new range of Yaoi fics!"

Lucius looked horrified. "Bu-but, you killed my father!"

Renault grinned, and stole Hector's Darth Vader. He had nothing but a pair of boxers on underneath. Quite a few of the girls giggled, while Hector flushed.   
  
"No, Lucius. I AM YOUR FATHER!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Lucius screamed, before running, screaming out the door.

Kyle still had one final question. "So wait, you wanted to start a new Yaoi fic grouping that also bordered on incest?"

"Yup," Renault answered.

"...you scare me..."

Now wasn't that fun!

Limmeh-Why wasn't I in it?

You were with me while I was scaring the children.

Limmeh-Ah...

Anywho, I based this entire chapter on a support convo done by my good friend Kirbyoto of FEPlanet. Here's the original.

Raven: Ha! Take that! Arrgh! I'm hit!  
Random Medic: Here you go. puts bandages on Raven  
Raven: ...thanks.  
Medic: No problem. walks away  
Raven: Who the heck was that?  
Legault: Well, he's the one they call Dr. Feelgood.  
Raven: Well, he's the one that made me feel all right.  
Legault: He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood, and he's gonna be your Frankenstein.  
Raven: What did you say?  
Legault: He's gonna be your Frankenstein. I guess that means he can...bring you back to life. Or something.  
Raven: Aha.  
Legault: Raven, look out! A black hole sun!  
Raven: Won't you come and wash away the rain?  
Legault: Here I come, I come, I come!  
Ephidel: I know you want what's on my mind. I know you like what's on my mind.  
I know it eats you up inside. I know.  
Raven: You know, you know, you know.  
Ephidel: By the way, I'm thinking of sulfuric acid.  
Raven: It eats me up inside!  
Ephidel: I know.  
Hector jumps on Ephidel  
Hector: TNT! I'm dy-na-mite! TNT! And I'll win the fight!  
Raven: TNT, he's a power load! TNT! Watch him explode!  
Hector: No.  
Ephidel: And all your weight, it falls on me, it brings me down.  
Hector: That's cause my Collective Soul is pretty Heavy.  
Ephidel: Soy...un peredor! I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?  
Raven: 'k. decapitates Ephidel  
Legault: My friends are so depressed. I feel the question of their loneliness.   
Raven: Confide. 'cause I'll be on your side.  
Legault: You know I will.  
Raven: You know I will.  
Nergal: Get up, c'mon get DOWN with the Sickness! Open up your hate and let it flow into me!  
Marquess Laus: Madness is the gift that has been given to me!  
Guy: I don't need no civil war! It feeds the rich while it buries the poor!  
Priscilla: I wanna-  
Guy: If the next word out of your mouth is the F-word and then "you like an animal", then don't bother.  
Priscilla: Awwww...  
Guy: I didn't say you couldn't, though.  
Priscilla: Yay!  
Erk: TROGDOOOOOOOOOOR! TROGDOOOOOOOOR!  
everyone looks at Erk  
Erk: BURNINATE! casts Elfire everywhere  
Everyone Else: AAAARGH!  
Erk: S'right, peasants.  
Lowen: But now it's closing time!  
Erk: One last call for alcohol?  
Lowen: So finish your whiskey or beer!  
Merlinus: You don't have to go home but you CAN'T...STAY...HERE!  
Erk: I know who I want to take me home!  
Serra: Oh, ERKY!  
Erk: Not you!  
Serra: Tough! I had dibs!  
Lowen: She's got you there.  
Erk: MASTER PEEEENT! HELP MEEEE!  
Pent: Why? If I have to get married, you do too.  
Louise: And what is THAT supposed to mean?  
Pent: sigh Nothing, dear.

So, R&R please!

PS: Get any song references and you get a cookie.


	9. Dreadful

WOAH!!! A MILLION REVIEWS!!!

Limmeh-Well...eight

Ah...well, still, a lot.

Pent-BURNINA-

SHUT THE EXPLETIVE UP!!!

Pent-...k.

**Review Responses**

Blank: Nice name. XD And thanks for the Review!

Paul T: Yeah, it's random. I gave a warning not to read if you had a sense of humour, but nooooooooooooooo... XD

I'm not going to bother replying to Winged Wolf's. It scared me too much.

Seventh Sage-OMG, ALL EIGHT CHAPTERS!!! J00 ARE MA BEAN!!! (huggles) BTW, do you have any sort of Messaging Service like MSN? For if you do, I have a question regarding your fic speciality.

Random Person-BURNINATE!!!

Lord Timberwolf-I know. I'm so awesome. XD

Beagle-Thankies! XD

Dracobolt-Whee!

**Chapter 9: (Magic) Sealed Lips**

Insert loophole returning them to the Dread Isle here.

"Woah...the Dread Isle..." Kyle gasped as he looked at the dark, foreboding island. "It's all...dark..."

"That'll be because it's Valor," a mysterious voice behind him mused. Kyle whirred round, only to see Rebecca, a massive grin on her face. "Hi!" she said.

Kyle jumped, then relaxed. "Damn, Rebecca. You scared me there..."

"Why?" Rebecca leaned forward, and frowned. "Are you frightened of the Dread Isle?"

_Yes. I WANNA GO HOME!!! _"No! It's just...discomforting, is all."

"Yeah, 'discomforting'!" Rebecca said, and smiled comfortingly. "Now, shall we head off? An Archer needs protection, you know."

Kyle nodded. "Very well, let us head off."

As they walked off, the words JAILBAAAAAAAAAAIT screamed around his skull.

Meanwhile...

"I am Uhai! And you shall all die here today!"

Karla stared at the Nomad Trooper. "You're joking, right?"

"No. The proud people of Sacae never lie," Uhai said, a smirk forming on his face.

Karla nodded. "I'm Sacaen too. And like you said, we never tell a lie."

"That is correct."

"You shall lose your head in this battle."

"I can assure you, I am constantly level hea-"

Uhai's head rolled several feet from his body, and Karla grinned.

"We Sacaens always take things at face value as well."

"AHHHHH!!!"

"What is it now?"

"The Sword Demon just cut down one of the Four Fangs!"

"Wait, Uhai was one of the Four Fangs?"

"Yeah, Ursula replaced him."

"Ah...shall we run around in terror?"

"Sure!"

And so the two old men ran around in terror, unaware that the Sword Demon was actually busy being chatted up by an Archer.

The group reached the Dragon's Gate. Kyle noticed how forebodingly evil the Headquarters looked. As he looked further ahead, he didn't notice the odd girl getting kidnapped by Ephidel. In fact, he didn't realize until Eliwood yelled "Alright everyone! Let's go! Ninian's been kidnapped!"

As he prepared, Kyle wondered _Who's Ninian?_

Wow, that chapter was boring. And it sucked.

Limmeh-Yes. I'm afraid it did.

(hides in corner)


	10. Honour

My word, it's the final chapter!

Everyone-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Well, there's gonna be a sequal.

Everyone-DOUBLY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

XD

Well, on with...

**THE REVIEW RESPONSES!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!**

R Amythest-YAY!!! SOMEONE AGREEEEEEEEEEEES WITH MEEEEEEEEEE!!! XD Yeah, thanks for stating the truth. And I love your review of the previous chapter as well! THANKIES!!!

The Winged Wolf-I can see that. (hides)

Random Person-Well, if you're a man, I'd expect you'd run in ph34r. XD If you're a girl, well...dunno really. Probably the same. XD

Seventh Sage-You get the special award for reviewing all chapters! (a load of cookies fall on top of me) Ow...XD Anywho, thanks for the review and the MSN addy. I shall now annoy you! BWAHA!!!

Beagle-Whee, thanks! XD

Macross-Green-Don't like Coffee, and I dunno who Weird Al is! AHHHHHHH!!!

So ladies and, possibly, gentlemen, I bring you the last instalment of the first instalment of Kyle's weird-ass adventures.

**Chapter 10-Honour**

The Black Fang formed into...formation, as Ephidel looked on. _Foolish humans,_ he thought. _They try to fight against our might, our strength...and yet the strange thing is, they keep winning! BAH!!! I shall put a stop to this, by sending a slightly cowardly General to stop him, while having thieves steal all the treasure! Oh yes, I'm a tactical genius! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!_

If it makes anyone feel better, he's dead soon.

So, anyway, Ephidel was thinking evil thoughts about evil deeds, when he was interrupted by a clanking of armour. _Laus has arrived..._ "My lord Laus, I command you to be brave for the sake of your soon-to-be conquest of the world! I want you to fight the attackers! DO IT IN THE NAME OF LORD NERGAL!!!"

Laus, getting slightly caught up in the whole thing, screamed "PRAISE THE LORD-AH!!!"

"HE'LL GIVE US BOUNTIOUS AMOUNTS OF POWER AND MONEY!!!"

"PRAISE THE LORD-AH!!!"

"HE'LL GIVE US LARGE AMOUNTS OF NON-FLAT CHESTED WOMEN!!!"

"PRAISE THE LORD-AH!!!"

"That counts me out," Limstella said with a sense of relief (even though s/he's androgynous), before watching the mini-sermon which was going on. Even Lord Nergal and Lord Elbert had stepped outside to see what was going on.

"HE'LL GIVE US...err...ELECTRICITY!!!"

"PRAISE THE LORD-AH!!!"

"When you're quite finished..." a cold voice from behind them sneered. The two whirred round to see the entire Black Fang staring at them, and Lord Nergal with a slightly bemused face looking at them. "Marquess Laus, you shall stop Eliwood and his cadre from getting to the Dragon's Gate. Eliwood, Limstella, attend me." And with that, he swept into the shrine, Ephidel and Limstella following.

"The lord be praised-ah..." Laus muttered under his breath, before taking up the stance, and forgetting the first law of warfare. When you are the leader of a vast force facing a group of about 10 inexperienced teenagers, you'll always lose. He also forgot the moral that he'd been living by his entire life: Brave people may be remembered, but they're usually too dead to notice.

- - -

Kyle stared. "Where's all the Black Fang gone?"

Rebecca appeared beside him. "Dunno...they were here a second ago..."

"There is dark work afoot here!" Kyle said dramatically, before noticing that the Black Fang had reappeared again. One of them ran forward.

He yelled "Oh man, sorry we're late, it's just that...that Laus and Ephidel were making asses out of themselves and...oh Elimine, it was hilarious, you had to se-URK!" he finished his sentence with a squeak as Rebecca peppered him with arrows.

"What? I got bored," she said with a grin.

"Damn, you're bloodthirsty," Kyle replied.

At this point, Canas appeared out of nowhere. "Well ladies and gentlemen, shall we move on?"

So they did.

- - -

Two Shamans stood at the door to the throne room. They were very old.

"Hey, is th-that...the Sword Demon!"

"Hell, it is!"

"He's leading that young girl to her doom, I bet ya!"

"I think you're right!"

"Let's run!"

So the two old men ran from the Dragon's Gate.

Laus stared. "Ah need a miracle, lord..."

- - -

Kyle seemed to be doing very well. His sword arm had improved greatly, and he seemed to fight stronger with Rebecca around, yadda yadda yadda, getting feelings for her, yadda yadda yadda, may be falling in love, yadda yadda yadda. What? I don't feel confident enough to write romance, so until then, you have to stick with that piece of crap as a description.

But at that particular point, Kyle's bad luck kicked in, and a mad man appeared behind him, stabbing him in the stomach.

"Ooh...that's not supposed to be protruding like that..." he said before collapsing.

- - -

Kyle woke up some hours later. "Wh-where am I?"

"Still the Dread Isle," a familiar voice said. His eyes focused on the face of Rebecca, staring down with worry. "You've been unconscious for the last twelve hours."

"Wh-where's everyone...else?"

"Weeeeell...everyone else thought we were dead, so they left us here. Canas stayed though. He managed to concoct a potion to quench the bleeding and make you better!"

Kyle turned his head to see Canas smiling. "Well, shall we go? I've always wanted to explore the Dread Isle, as there's nothing about it in my books, see?"

Kyle nodded. "Help me up, would you please?" Rebecca and Canas nodded, taking an arm each and lifting him up. Kyle grimaced as a fresh wave of pain racked him. "Oh, come on, let's go...I'm bored now," Kyle said.

And so the group of three trudged off.

- - -

"Hey, where's Canas?" Karla asked.

- - -

So, that endeths the story Only Human. Stay tuned for the second instalment, "Simply Normal" in which more crap happens that you pretend to find funny. For example:

Gasp, as the group of three find awesome stuff at the Dread Isle!

Laugh, as Kyle has more hilarious Daydreams!

Cringe as Karla chops some more heads off!

And Spasm as TEO releases chapter after chapter of DURGE!!!

BTW, a final note. The reason I did this was to see if I could do a Gary Stu fic that didn't include the perfect being as the subject. I figured I should have had someone who had faults. Who was, as the title says, Only Human. Plus, I wanted his antics to be absolutely hilarious.

I hope I accomplished that.


End file.
